Lover revenge - We ALL think or have thought about it at one time or another.
Revenge! Yes, we plan, we let our minds conjure up ways to get back
at someone who we believe has wronged us (at this point you should
hear the Austin Power-Dr. Evil maniacal laugh in your head).
I’ve
yet to hear a speaker on success really discuss revenge so I thought
I take a stab at it (no pun intended) by sharing a recent incident
that happened to me.
Let me step back for a moment and tell you that during high
school I sprouted over night to my current height of 6’2” and was
skinny as a rail. In school I was never one of the cool guys. I was
always one who hung out on the periphery hoping to absorb the
coolness from my fellow classmates.
I was invited to play on a local YMCA team. I was sucked in by my
friends telling me, “Victor, you’d be good at it.” (See the video on
my website to see how this turned out). I don’t know what possessed
me to say yes since I had the grace of dizzy duck and the
coordination of an inebriated flamingo. I was all fowled up! (Sorry,
bad joke) I had grown so quickly that I wasn’t use to my height.
On our team there was a guy, we’ll call him John, who was
constantly belittling me and took pleasure in finding any
opportunity to make fun of my: height, weight or lack of basketball
ability. He was shorter, stealthier and could play the game. Given
his scoring ability, he was always going at me and wouldn’t let up
when it came to ridiculing. I wouldn’t classify him a bully because
there was never a physical threat, but he rode me every moment he
could.
Every time I saw John my mind would race with all the bad things
I’d like to see happen to him. I wanted some type of revenge or
satisfaction. But in the end, both never came. I graduated from high
school, mentally intact, and went about creating my success. From
what I heard, John couldn’t wait to get out of High School and
didn’t go on to college.
Let me now fast forward almost 23 years later.
I was invited back to do a keynote speech at my High School in
Chicago. I gotta tell ya’…going back after so many years was
chilling (in a good way). I had so many good memories and enjoyed
walking the halls and peeking into the classrooms where I use to
sit.
By 10 a.m. the auditorium was filled to the brim with students.
As I approached the stage door which led to the stage, coming from
the other direction was a familiar face wearing a dark green
jumpsuit. Yep, you guessed it, it was John.
John looked at me, paused, looked at me again and said a sense of
amazement, “You’re the speaker?”
I nodded my head as he continued to look at me in disbelief; as
if a ghost from the past had come to pay him a visit.
It’s funny how we wait for a moment where we’ve replayed in our
mind everything we want to say to a person. But guess what happened?
Nothing came out. My thoughts, anger and resentment dissipated the
moment I started talking to John. I treated him as I would any
stranger I’d meet on my speaking tour.
I went to ask him how he was doing, about family and on and on.
Before I excused myself to go speak, he mentioned that he was
married, had kids and that he was the school janitor. My mind
yelled, “Huh! The school Janitor?!” as I stepped inside.
The host introduced me and I took the stage to speak to an
auditorium packed with students with A.D.D. (attention deficit
disorder). Corporate crowds are tough, but nothing is tougher than
speaking to High School students. As I looked into the audience
while speaking, I saw John off to the side smiling as he seemed to
be enjoying my talk on success.
After my speech, John came by to shake my hand and congratulate
me. He said, “Victor, that was great. I was telling some of the
students that I went to school with you.” We talked a little longer
before saying our pleasant goodbyes.
For the rest of the day, my mind was whipping from the past to
the present and how much John and I had changed. I no longer had ill
feelings towards John. I no longer wished him harm. I began to
reflect on how time changes us all, but yet in our minds we hold
onto relics of the past.
Many of us carry some sort of angst towards someone who has
wronged us in the past. And yes, some of us may very well fantasize
about revenge. Seeing John again reminded once more that revenge is
often bitter sweet. It’s never as sweet as you planned or imagined
it would be. And bitter when you think on how foolish it was to have
wasted all that mental energy on thoughts of getting even one day.
People change over time but our memories of others don’t take
that into account. On that day the ‘old John’ died and a new updated
memory of him took its place; a more pleasant one at that. I don’t
think I forgave John for the past; that would be too trite. I just
decided to bury the memory and put a R.I.P. tombstone on it. It was
no longer relevant to me.
As we grow older, so does our appreciation for life and humanity.
None of us with a true sense of decency can possibly wish any harm
or misfortune to befall a fellow human being. We shouldn’t torture
ourselves by exhuming the past. Stop it! Cut it out!
Maybe, just maybe, the best way to get even is to simply ignore
the past, and focus your time on building a new YOU. Maybe, you
should focus your energy on building or rebuilding your success. And
if destiny is kind enough to smile in your direction, you may just
run across one those old memories on the road to your greatness and
create a more pleasant one.
Please forward this on to someone who needs a bit of inspiration
today.
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Victor Gonzalez, top Hispanic motivational speaker and author of
“The LOGIC of Success”. For more info go to:
www.thelogicofsuccess.com or by email
victor@thelogicofsuccess.com
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